Sick toddler denied he needed a nap.
Two-year-old: (As I’m driving him home) You’re not a good driver.
Me: What? Why am I not a good driver?
Two-year-old: Because you’re not a big girl.
Me: I’m not?
Two-year-old: No! You’re a bad driver!
Toddler: Mama, get my ladybug down! I behave with it!
Me: You didn’t behave with it before, that’s why it’s put away.
Toddler: I behave now!
Toddler: Luna, say thank you!
Dog: (eats dinner)
Toddler: Mama, Luna not say thank you!
My throat is still sore from my cold so I asked him to “read” his book to me.
Mini-Marmot: I’m sad mama.
Me: Why are you sad?
Mini-Marmot: I’m worried.
Me: What are you worried about?
Mini-Marmot: (points to his dinner) Sausage! And pasta with cheese! And pears*! Pretty flowers! Grandma made those flowers!
*pears = asparagus
"Kiss my tongue, Mama!"
- the toddler, after he bit his tongue.
Apparently if you fall asleep on the couch while your toddler watches Thomas the Tank Engine, your punishment will be a dream crossing Thomas with Game of Thrones.
You really really don’t want to know.
Someone was extremely excited about his first ever snow day, but was grudgingly willing to pose with my awesome snowman.