Fingers are extra delicious when covered in Manhattan grime.
Step 1. Acquire rolling chair.
Step 2. Sit in chair with toddler.
Step 3. Spin chair.
Step 4. Get incredibly dizzy as toddler demands more and more spinning.
*Hours in ToddlerTime = Minutes in AdultTime
Child, stop sticking stuff in your orifices. I figured out how to get stuff out of your nose, but if you had stuck that wad of paper any farther in your ear canal, you would have been out of luck.
As I watch my not-yet-2-year-old expertly operate a smart phone, I wonder if in the future he’ll consider me old-fashioned because I prefer to use a real keyboard and mouse.
You know, kid, I’d be a lot happier to kiss your ouchies better if they weren’t always on the bottom of your dirty feet. Yech.
The toddler’s new nap strategy: refuse to nap two days in a row, or make up for the lost sleep at night, and instead pass the hell out on the third day at nap time and sleep for as long as mom will let him. If he was rational, he’d just take shorter naps every day. Unfortunately for me, he is a toddler and therefore about as far from rational as it is possible for a human being to get. Rational human beings know that naps are awesome.
Why the toddler just turned off the Sesame Street I put on for him and put on Jimmy Kimmel instead. I mean sure, I can see being bored of Sesame Street, but late night tv? Ugh.
Removing toddler’s dinner from toddler’s nasal passages where he purposely inserted it and tried to shove it up as far as he could get it.
Seriously kid, WHAT THE HELL.
He watches a Sesame Street video featuring a talking shrimp and immediately indicates he’d like to eat it.
Also I have the only toddler on earth who won’t eat potatoes in any form.