That is correct, Vampire Mac. You are totally fucking fucked.
The fuck is even going on in this True Blood? I’d say it has something to do with how I watch only half paying attention, but I think it’s equally likely the show is actually incoherent.
I like Pam’s hair though.
Or, you know, whatever. While it’s actually broadcasting.
So of course the voice channel on the sound cut out ten minutes in. Sadly, I’m not good enough at lip-reading to understand what’s going on.
Jason yes. I’ve gone from finding him slightly annoying to loving him. And you’re just as smart as Sookie, Jason. Which is not saying much.
Doggett, you can’t possibly be Alcide’s dad. Seriously, they could not possibly look any less alike. Mulder would be more believable, though not by much.
So it looks like Russell has his new Talbot, anyway. I approve.
I might be able to forgive True Blood for the last two seasons because of the incredibly hilarious awesomeness that is most of this episode. I can even ignore the Lafayette and Terry shit.
Awww, Pam. It must be the crimping iron making you soft.
And for God’s sake, writers, leave poor Lafayette alone.
Does this mean they’re finally going to kill off Hoyt?
Seriously though, Russell Edgington YES.
Jessica and Tara are fighting over Hoyt? Okay, it’s official, this show is dead. The only way to cure it is to kill off most of the characters, and they’ve made it quite clear that will never happen.
Other True Blood plotlines I don’t give two shits about: Eric’s sister. Whether Alcide and Sookie ever get it on. Terry’s fire demon crap. Lafayette’s brujo garbage. Everything to do with the fairies.
I cannot fully express my dislike of this whole Iraq storyline on True Blood. Like, why? I love Terry, he’s great, I don’t feel any need to revisit his past, he’s just not a main character and it’s better that way. He and Arlene need to resume being entertaining window dressing, preferably with more scenes involving Terry telling Arlene why he’ll be a good dad while she barfs from morning sickness.
I’m always a little sad when there’s no naked Eric in True Blood.
Also, what the fuck are they doing with Tara? She’s going to become Mad Vampire Killer of Louisiana’s Deadliest Town… Seriously?
They have Shiner Bock at Merlotte’s. Oh how I miss Shiner Bock.
I don’t really like Noel from Felicity punching Terry though. And they need to stop this Jessica party thing approximately now.
It occurred to me the other day that I don’t watch a single network television show anymore. The very last ones were Lost and Scrubs, both of which are long since mercifully deceased, the networks having beaten them into slow and painful deaths. (They’re in alternate-dimension purgatory? I watched six seasons and my reward is zero answers and a bunch of pseudochristian garbage? Fuck you very much, JJ Abrams.) I’ve tried to get into a few shows, like Modern Family or 30 Rock, only to find them mediocre and slightly boring. I’ve since been informed that both shows improve greatly their second seasons. I guess I just don’t have the patience to watch a bunch of crap before getting to the good stuff. Especially because network tv feels so…managed to me. I can’t watch it without getting the feeling that every character has been carefully approved by some focus group somewhere, their value considered on a cost-effective basis. It’s like when you find a great new band, listen to their first few albums, and then one comes out that’s so massively overproduced that it’s unlistenable and you delete it off your computer, because you cannot even stand what has become of your beloved band.
Then there’s the way that roughly 95% of their shows seem to fit into the same categories, every single year. Cop shows. Doctor shows. Reality tv whores of varying stripes. Lawyer shows. Family-based sitcoms. Comedian-centered sitcoms. Ripoffs of shows from other networks, almost always deeply inferior to the original. Did I miss any?
The result is that the list of television I still watch is fairly short, and every last show is on cable. They also tend toward the inappropriate, less-pc end of the spectrum. I guess the networks feel they can’t show anything truly naughty, but the cable channels obviously do not feel the same way. True Blood? Full of lots of extremely attractive naked people. Hey, the plot’s not really there (especially the most recent season, urgh), but it’s always fun. At the very least you know you’re going to see Alexander Skarsgard’s ass a few times a season. And Alexander Skarsgard’s ass can make up for a lot.
HBO really is a remarkable network. As much as I will never forgive them for certain past transgressions (Carnivale, rest in peace), they show almost no fear in what they choose to put on the air. I mean, they haven’t quite gone so far as to say, put gay sex in a mainstream show, but they come awfully close. Hell, they even add in gay fun that wasn’t in the source material, like the Renly/Loras scene in Game of Thrones. (Although the infamous “sexposition” scene featuring two lady hookers getting it on while an actual character outlines the plot in the background was the weakest moment of the first season.) The networks would never do that. They actually seem to care what those hypocritical “family” political organizations have to say about their content. HBO clearly does not give a shit, and I respect them for that. Fuck, shit, titties, asses, as much blood and guts as they can splatter across the screen, they even showed some unfortunate penises in Game of Thrones.
Same for FX, home of the other shows I watch regularly - The League, Archer and It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. You see shit on there every episode you just would never see on the networks. The most recent The League featured a porn being made by Seth Rogen on top of the laptop computer on which the main characters had hoped to hold their fantasy football draft. The season premiere of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia ended with a dead hooker to the tune of “Pretty Woman.” (Which may have been going a bit far.) Maybe I’m so jaded I need shock value to be entertained. Or maybe 99% of network content really is as awful as it seems to me.
Hell, even the one and only reality show I watch, Sister Wives, wouldn’t fly on the networks. Some politician would claim they’re endorsing the polygamist lifestyle, and bam there goes your four-wife trainwreck.
Were the networks better when I was younger? Or was I just less cynical about what I watch?